They look constantly uncomfortable They resemble Mike Myers standing next to Kanye West during his Hurricane Katrina monologue. No matter what you say or what you do or how loudly you sing, this Uber driver will remain silent. You don’t need to be lectured by your Uber driver on the amount of calories or fat or salt or good stuff that’s in that Extra Large Happy Meal you’re about to order because judges are meant for the courtroom only and those McNuggets aren't going to eat themselves.

“Yes, beer was consumed tonight and yes McDonald’s needs to be, too,” you tell your Uber driver who is giving you the lookover. He apologizes because his official Uber car is in the shop for maintenance issues but you know that he was probably in some horrible he-didn't-see-the-median-there accident and the worst part is that you know that he knows that you know and it’s all one big giant Uber elephant in the Uber zoo. He’s surprised when Truckyard ends up being a bar and not a junkyard of truck parts. His GPS is also not working so he has no idea how to get to your destination. He turns the wrong way down a one-way street. He is confused by the term “Deep Ellum.” He tells you he just came from McKinney and cannot believe the traffic in Dallas Dallas.

This Uber driver has never driven in Dallas before. The one who has never driven in Dallas before Here are the 10 types of Uber drivers you have encountered: And pretty much all its drivers fall in 10 categories. The Uber Machine represents a moment in time and because there isn't any real quality form of public transportation in Dallas (Please don’t argue with us on this one), Uber is a basic lifeline when living here. “An app on a phone that tells a driver to drive you places, Meemaw?' they will ask while fueling up their cars with solar rays and drinking Coca Cola that doesn't burn their insides. Also, being driven around Dallas and its suburbs is fun and, for me, feeling like Miss Daisy is even more fun.īut one day, when we are all old and grey and married to our dogs, we will tell tales about Uber to our grandchildren, who will look confused and troubled. Plus the fact that DWIs and DUIs are a real bummer. Until self-driving cars come along and you can freely brush your teeth, drink orange juice and choreograph a dance while in the driver's seat of a car, Uber is a necessary evil.

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